Some days the purpose for life seems so clear and others it doesn't. At times, I feel like I am going uphill and on others I am coasting. On those days that it seems easier, I guess are the ones that God sends me signs or clues as to exactly what it is I am called to do. I remember when I was so depressed I didn't even want to get out of bed. It seems like so long ago but in reality it really isn't. I know that each day God gives us His Grace for that day and each day brings new Grace. I didn't have that before when I was depressed. I didn't understand what having a personal relationship with God even meant. I couldn't be where I am today without that relationship. My life is evident that He is at work because if He wasn't I know I would be depressed and feeling hopeless.
Someone asked me how I did it. How did I go from those days to these days? I decided one day that I wasn't going to allow the past to control my life anymore. I had been through Hell, it didn't mean I had to stay there. I needed to start doing something that was different from what I was doing so I started by listening to inspiring messages and watching shows that were encouraging. So much of the garbage on our television and radio stations does nothing but keep you down! The words are depressing, the stories are depressing, so doesn't it make sense it would be depressing? I had to make some changes, I couldn't stand another day of what it was like. So I took a leap of Faith and jumped. Now that doesn't mean that I don't have bad days, in fact the last couple of blog posts will prove that if I listen to certain voices that I will be taken down to the pit.
Forgiveness was also a HUGE part in helping me get out of depression. I was literally locked down and could not move. For me it was imperative that I forgive because it was ruining my life. I could not forgive without God's help. I tried and tried, but it was only a surface type forgiveness. What I finally realized was I could not forgive without God helping me to forgive. So I prayed for Him to help me to forgive. I prayed for Him to take away the pain and heartache and the wounded Spirit that I carried so I could truly be FREE to do what He had called me to do! I surrendered the whole situation to Him, I handed Him the abusers and said, God, you deal with them, me being mad and hurt and angry is not helping me move forward but keeping me held back. He did it, He helped me to forgive and release my abusers into His hands. Those emotions of hurt and anger are now redirected and give me motivation to move to a new level of healing so I can reach my hand out to others. Someone cannot teach what he or she has not learned. So, that is what I learned this past week. It was a lesson that I believe God wanted me to learn months ago, but I missed it, I wasn't tuned into hearing His truth, so once again I had to come back around to this same spot and forgive.
I realize that life is cyclic. I can look back now and see that my life has gone in cycles and seasons. There is healing and then it comes back around and deeper healing is gained the next cycle. I believe it continues this way until God has you where He wants you and can use you the most. Making changes in life don't just happen overnight. You truly have to be open to making them and work on being open to God's help. We can't change ourselves, it is Gods strength within us that makes the changes. We must do our part and God does His. What I tried to do myself is tiny compared to what God and I do together. He is the best partner I have ever had! Each day, I ask for His help and guidance and allow Him to take the wheel and drive. For someone who is a control freak like me, that is not an easy task. However, as He proves His faithfulness and love for me, I let more and more of myself be controlled by Him and when I do, it is apparent He is working. This is what is called surrender. It has not been easy for me, I often forget what is best for me, but He doesn't! He gently reminds me by something I read or through someone else that He is in control and can do so much more if I don't try to be in control. I apologize and give Him back the reigns; it is so much easier that way! I pray one day that I will allow all of God to move in full time and take over every ounce of my being. For me that is what reaching my full potential is all about. More of Him and Less of Me! He will use my personality and the gifts He gave me but it will be apparent that what is being accomplished in my life is not by my own strength but through His...I think it is apparent now, but I know what the future holds and it looks bright! I look forward to serving God and being a channel that He uses to reach hurting people. May you be blessed!
Serving Him,
Debra
www.YourFullPotential.Org
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